That One Tiny Moment of Repentance ...

“Care for a Vada-Pav?” I asked my cousin.

“I won’t have it, I have some health issues. You go ahead if you want.”

“Naah! Its OK. We can go ahead.”

“But if you want it, why are you not having it? Let’s go.”

“I just had a thought, ‘If I breathe my last this very moment, would I repent not having that Vada-Pav?’ If the answer is yes then I better go and have that Vada-Pav right now. If I know the craving holds no substance, I might as well drop it.

It would be such a pity if we were to repent in our last breath. However successful we might be, how much ever money we would have, irrespective of our education background, if there is a moment of repentance while bidding goodbye to this world, our entire lifetime would be such a waste. And I am in no capacity to waste my lifetime for a Vada-Pav. 

This may sound frivolous and funny, but it is true is most cases. 

"I wish I had seen Taj Mahal once."

"I really had to visit Kashi once."

"I so badly wanted that promotion"

"I wish my son should have been married."

"Just once if I had been to Bukaro Island."

And there is an endless list of desires that make us find it difficult to leave this body. From there stems the fear of death - one of the primary reasons for people not to be successful. And then it gets into a vicious circle of fear leading to anxiety leading to low confidence leading to less effective productivity, leading to an unsuccessful life (whatever fits in our definition of success), further leading to a state of mind of desires unfulfilled, finally connecting dots back to fear of death.

Let us try breaking this circle. If at all, we live ensuring that our last breath wont have that repentance, we would empower our self devoid of fear of death, thus leading to a new zeal to take on life and thus become successful. 

Somebody once asked Swami Vivekananda, what do find most amusing about mankind?

He said, "Everyone knows that they are going to die someday and yet they live as if they are going to live forever," The right way to live would be to imagine that if this is my last moment, how would I live it.

We find it very convenient to procrastinate our happiness to some other time because you know, somehow there is a feeling that we are going to live forever. Procrastination of happiness is a foundation stone for the pillars of fear, anxiety and sorrow to stand upon. Once Bawa (Khurshed Batliwala) said, "Have you seen the look on a dead man's face? Its as if he is shocked, 'Ho Gaya?' Till now I was living life and I knew that happiness is at the next corner and life ended before that!"

I have been to cremation ground twice in past 20 days and both the times for someone close and both the times, what amazed me is the sheer unpredictability of life. My granny active till the last moment blew us off when she peacefully closed her eyes forever. She prepared food for all, she kept herself busy till the last breath. How on earth could we imagine which moment was her last. There is absolute no guarantee on our expiry date. We have absolutely no clue on the question 'when'. I know so many instances when a patient walks on his/her two legs to the hospital and comes back on 4 shoulders. So there is absolutely no guarantee that this moment I should allow myself with the luxury of repentance. It is a truth that we find very difficult to digest.

Life is in this moment. This moment is pure, its fresh, its new, its innocent. Sri Sri always says, the past is like a dream and the future is pure fantasy. Live in this moment. Recognizing the purity and freshness of this moment can help us ensure that every moment is free of any repentance whatsoever. 

The idea of being ready to leave this body anytime can be well unsettling. It takes a higher level of maturity to bring our mind to that level. But to come to terms of reality, that thought itself is pure freedom. It is a thought that empowers us to live fully the way we want. And I believe if we have lived our life on our terms, we have lived successfully. No amount of money or education can compensate that state of mind.

Blessed are those who exhale contentment as their last breath.