That One Tiny Moment of Repentance ...

“Care for a Vada-Pav?” I asked my cousin.

“I won’t have it, I have some health issues. You go ahead if you want.”

“Naah! Its OK. We can go ahead.”

“But if you want it, why are you not having it? Let’s go.”

“I just had a thought, ‘If I breathe my last this very moment, would I repent not having that Vada-Pav?’ If the answer is yes then I better go and have that Vada-Pav right now. If I know the craving holds no substance, I might as well drop it.

It would be such a pity if we were to repent in our last breath. However successful we might be, how much ever money we would have, irrespective of our education background, if there is a moment of repentance while bidding goodbye to this world, our entire lifetime would be such a waste. And I am in no capacity to waste my lifetime for a Vada-Pav. 

This may sound frivolous and funny, but it is true is most cases. 

"I wish I had seen Taj Mahal once."

"I really had to visit Kashi once."

"I so badly wanted that promotion"

"I wish my son should have been married."

"Just once if I had been to Bukaro Island."

And there is an endless list of desires that make us find it difficult to leave this body. From there stems the fear of death - one of the primary reasons for people not to be successful. And then it gets into a vicious circle of fear leading to anxiety leading to low confidence leading to less effective productivity, leading to an unsuccessful life (whatever fits in our definition of success), further leading to a state of mind of desires unfulfilled, finally connecting dots back to fear of death.

Let us try breaking this circle. If at all, we live ensuring that our last breath wont have that repentance, we would empower our self devoid of fear of death, thus leading to a new zeal to take on life and thus become successful. 

Somebody once asked Swami Vivekananda, what do find most amusing about mankind?

He said, "Everyone knows that they are going to die someday and yet they live as if they are going to live forever," The right way to live would be to imagine that if this is my last moment, how would I live it.

We find it very convenient to procrastinate our happiness to some other time because you know, somehow there is a feeling that we are going to live forever. Procrastination of happiness is a foundation stone for the pillars of fear, anxiety and sorrow to stand upon. Once Bawa (Khurshed Batliwala) said, "Have you seen the look on a dead man's face? Its as if he is shocked, 'Ho Gaya?' Till now I was living life and I knew that happiness is at the next corner and life ended before that!"

I have been to cremation ground twice in past 20 days and both the times for someone close and both the times, what amazed me is the sheer unpredictability of life. My granny active till the last moment blew us off when she peacefully closed her eyes forever. She prepared food for all, she kept herself busy till the last breath. How on earth could we imagine which moment was her last. There is absolute no guarantee on our expiry date. We have absolutely no clue on the question 'when'. I know so many instances when a patient walks on his/her two legs to the hospital and comes back on 4 shoulders. So there is absolutely no guarantee that this moment I should allow myself with the luxury of repentance. It is a truth that we find very difficult to digest.

Life is in this moment. This moment is pure, its fresh, its new, its innocent. Sri Sri always says, the past is like a dream and the future is pure fantasy. Live in this moment. Recognizing the purity and freshness of this moment can help us ensure that every moment is free of any repentance whatsoever. 

The idea of being ready to leave this body anytime can be well unsettling. It takes a higher level of maturity to bring our mind to that level. But to come to terms of reality, that thought itself is pure freedom. It is a thought that empowers us to live fully the way we want. And I believe if we have lived our life on our terms, we have lived successfully. No amount of money or education can compensate that state of mind.

Blessed are those who exhale contentment as their last breath.

My idea of h@ppiness

"Live life as an expression of happiness and not in the pursuit of happiness" stated Bawa in my first yes plus and I was blown away by this line. I so admired the movie 'In the pursuit of happiness' But somewhere I pondered is this state of frustration, agitation mandatory on the path to success? Why am I really here on this planet if I am supposed to go through that agony?

Everyone is doing some or the other thing for happiness. Some struggle to get decent job while some struggle to excel in it. Some strain hard to have a perfect marriage while some strain harder to get out of it. Some prefer to sit in the Himalayan cave while some prefer to booze in an urban cave. Rather every activity of the human race is in the pursuit of happiness. Sri Sri goes ahead in saying that every creature on this planet craves for happiness and peace. He chuckles further, "Those who want happiness, pray. While those of who forgot to pray invented alcohol." We pray for a variety of things. But those who pray for happiness and peace know the true essence of the being.

But this prayer also comes to soothe an agitation in our minds. So does this mean that life is journey of agitation? Because this agitation doesn't settle down until either our desires get fulfilled or the desires become insignificant. And by the time this desire settles in, a new desire takes up the space of agitation and frustration.

"What do you mean by that of course I am happy many a times!" I know this thought would pop up in your mind. You would naturally tend to think that your life is not as miserable as I am putting it here. Rather let's assume that your life is not miserable at all. Are to you smiling right now? When was the last time you had a hearty laugh! When was the last time you danced like crazy and sang irrespective of whether you have audience! When we laugh without reason, dance as if there is no one around and sing as if this is the last chance to sing we get in the state of natural self. If we meditate, we can harness that natural self. With meditation we get to comprehend our natural being. And as Sri Sri says, happiness and peace is the state of our being.

So while we look for happiness somewhere outside, happiness is actually deep within us. Thus meditation is the most reliable way to remain happy. When we are deep in meditation, we get close to what our true self is. The joy in meditation can only be expressed in gratitude people have after meditation. Happiness index is scientific term to quantify how happy a person is! And the person highest on this index so far is a meditator practicing meditation since past 30 odd years. Hence Sri Sri says joy is in this moment.

Coming back to the movie 'In the pursuit of happiness' Chris Gardner finally experienced the tears of joy at the end of the movie. It took him a long struggle to finally reach that state of mind. If he were meditating, he would have been smiling all through his path of success. Being happy brings equanimity in mind and balance in our thoughts and decision. We seldom need frustration to pump our efforts to get out of a miserable situation. But we certainly need joy to get out of misery. And where is joy? With you right now. Then why live life in the pursuit of happiness? Be little smart and live life as an expression of happiness.

How big clues of life unravel themselves! Aho!

Observe the reasons why can one not get deep sleep.

" I am having a bad stomach ache." That's the effect of eating wrong food. Take a pill and it can be healed.

"I have bad headache, fever, cough & cold etc " That's again the effect of not maintaining health properly. Still we can manage it by pill or Zandu Balm etc.

"There are just too many mosquitoes tonight." Now this is the effect of your community not maintaining proper healthy surroundings and everyone in your community will have to face this issue. But again this can be taken care of by various "techniques" like liquidator, coil, odomos, electric bat etc.

Every effect mentioned above is because of some action, right? That action is nothing but our karma. It's because of our actions or our community's actions we bear certain fruits or bad consequences. I'm enjoying an urban lifestyle because of the actions of my grandparents. I have to bear a wrong government because of the action or for that matter inaction of my fellow citizens. I enjoy the good marks in my exam because of the action of my studies.

So now coming back to reasons as to why one cannot sleep properly, we saw there are are certain actions that we do all day that lead us to lack of sleep. But then certain actions out of them do have cure. Certain scientists or gurus in the field of science have deviced certain ways (pills, Balm, liquidators etc) in which you can be relieved off your/your community's actions/inactions.

One of the prime reasons as to why one doesn't get deep sleep is when some botheration constantly hovers over one's mibd. In one of my sessions with Rajima Ratan she said desires eventually ferment into botherations. Look at any botheration that doesn't let you sleep, it was a desire some time back. "I have exam tomorrow." is a botheration that arises out of the desire to get good marks. And stronger the desire, stronger is the impression of botheration. And stronger the botheration, the shallow our sleep is.

So unless we lighten ourselves with desires, we effectively won't have good sleep. Now as H. H. Sri Sri Ravishankar puts it up, desire is an intention with feverishness. To take my example, the idea to write this blog dawned on me when a storm of mosquito bites shook me out of my sleep. The intention to blog about this sudden realization (Aho Niranjan!) was good enough to complete my action without any negative effect on my sleep. But associated with this intention was the feverishness to blog it right now which fermented into a desire. And I won't get proper sleep tonight until I completely drop this desire because even after publishing the blog comes the desire to get reader's comments. So I simply won't get my peace of mind until I get completely dispassionate about this action.

So to sum it up, in order to get liberated in deep sleep:
a) one has to implement the techniques and the instruments invented by the gurus in the field of science to overcome the effects of one actions (karma).
b) get dispassionate about one's actions by dropping feverishness off the desires thus preventing it to become a botheration.

Now with this, we do realize the importance of repeating advance meditation courses, don't we? Those who have understood the implicit meaning of the blog would concur. So keep repeating AMCs and keep exploiting the botheration basket in the course that will eventually lead you to that deep sleep from where getting up and going back to bed comes completely under your control.

:-)

Jai Gurudev.