Innocent Anxiety

She was a toddler that could only falter without grasping her mother's finger. Her mother helped her trek the stairs of the immobile bus to the top of which the girl saw me seated right at the first seat. One cute smile and she guided by her mother proceeded to take an adjacent window seat. Sooner the mother left to get down from the bus and worried toddler followed her mom. The mom said something in Tagalog, but there are times when communication doesn't need words and I could feel the lady's instructions, "Do not get down from the bus, wait right here. I will be back." The obedient little child stood right at the doorway clutching a side bar firmly while giving some space for the new passengers to usher in. The tumult for me dissolved into a picture taken about 22 years back when I as a kid was holding the bar at the doorway of the train with expressions calling out to someone while my mother right behind me, making sure that I don’t get out of the train held me tightly. I was trying to reaching my dad.

It was the narrow gauge train to Matheran that is often referred to as the "Toy Train". Built during the British imperial times, this train travels at the speed of a centipede thus lagging behind a strolling human. But the sheer size and the charm of this train has a tourist attraction to it even today. I was way too small back then to have a clear memory of the trip, but certain incidents stay vivid. I and my parents got into the train and then suddenly my dad left his seat to disembark from the train to take our picture. My anxiety about him coming back to his seat could not smile for that picture. The wheels of the train then yanked into the motion and the train at the top of the hill began its journey. Worried I ran at the doorway while the uvula at the back of my throat kept shouting in pleads for my dad to come back on the train. The incident remains afresh in my mind since it was accompanied by a pinch that pricked me with a feeling of losing a parent. The tender brain back then had little intelligence that it is less than a child's play to get back on that crawling train. So although the incident enriched me with the knowledge of speed and relativity, the worry that hovered upon me for certain time made a timeless space for itself in my mind. And today makes me realize about all the sleepless nights that I have given to my parents while they stood at the doorway waiting for me to come back home.

Here the girl obedient to her mom’s instructions didn’t step down from the bus and anxiously kept waiting at the doorway while grasping the bar tightly. She was patient with her actions yet anxious in her expressions. And with every pair of shoes entering the bus that didn’t resemble to the ones her mom wore, her anxiety took her to another level. Soon the bus got into motion and yet the girl stood there clutching the bar even tightly. Finally to her relief, her mom got into the bus set in motion with a glass of juice for her daughter. The child all happy then went back to her window seat and smiled happily at every passing car. With a complete and secured feeling she didn’t budge her mom once while enjoying the breeze from the window and sipping the lovely cold juice from her mom’s hands. I was appalled by the strength this girl had while waiting for her mom, there was trust in her actions that said her mom will fulfill her promise to come back, but it certainly accompanied the worry in her eyes that left her insecure. Perhaps this is love …

PANAGBENGA 2010

Hi, the profilgacy of exhibiting pictures in this blog is evident because I have myself clicked all of these images. To view the rest of the images, click here

PANAGBENGA 2010

It fluttered by and then suddenly landed on his camera lens. The photographer and everyone of us around him were merrily surprised. "How often do you see a butterfly play with you?" It fluttered again and now landed on his orange T-Shirt. The papparazi that so far was busy capturing the biggest event of the day for Philippines, turned their cameras towards this photographer and his new playmate - the butterfly.

He and his buddies sitting on the top of a Pajero, with their cameras and their tripods posited on the roof of the car took some time out of the biggest attraction of the nation and spent some time on this noteworthy incident. Their Pajero was parked right next to the 2 feet high divider upon which me and 10 to 12 other budding photographers queued up securing our positions to shoot the best possible glimpses of the event. This entire set was amidst few 100 thousand visitors who thronged to Bagguio to witness the 15th Anniversary of Panagbenga - 'The Panagbenga 2010'.


I vividly remember Joel telling us "Believe me guys, this trip to Baggiuo is going to be way different than any of your previous trips." I have never really been to Baggiuo, but the vim and the vigour that filled the atmosphere on 28th Feb 2010 clearly concurred his words.
"The government decided to start this festival 15 years back in order to re-attract tourist to one of the best known hill stations of the Philippines." "Re-attract? Why?" "The Luzon killer earthquake destroyed the entire place back then. But tourism is expanding rapidly here now, courtesy - Panagbenga. And here we are to witness Panagbenga 2010." "So what does Panagbenga mean?" "It is basically a season when the flowers bloom." "You mean Spring?" "Yes. And that is why they have a butterfly as their logo." I was reminiscing my yesterday's conversation with Joel as we walked passed by the Burnham park at the early freezing morning, while smoking out the natural mist out of our mouths with every passing conversation, and I thought Philippines will be hot before I came here!

It was early morning with lot of time to straggle along. I would generally wish to be in bed at this hour of a day and especially when its Sunday, but looking around at Bagiuo that morning all I saw was energy, anticipation and a verve to witness the festival of flowers. Looking at the tents where people stayed all night (presumably because all the hotels were overbooked), children playing around, people helping each other, I could feel warmth amidst that morning mist.Although, the Panagbenga parade was about to commence an hour later, we decided to secure ourselves in the best possible locations, before people began to congregate. But our assumptions were refuted by the general crowd. All of the places were already occupied and there began our struggle to position ourselves in the best possible location. Mervyn, Aaron and Mel found comfort along the road side while I, Joel and Cha pretended to be the officially appointed photographers while passing few clicks of the anxiously waiting crowd. But it wasnt really a matter of surprise that we were busted pretty soon and were pushed into the back layers of the waiting crowd by the strolling sentries. But luck found its own way to us. There was a road divider right behind the crowd that could give an altitude over the exact point where the road turns and the floats would halt for their performance. We werent really the first ones to think this, but being an early bird has its own advantages since I was now just 4th in the line, giving me a fairly decent view of the perfect angle to capture the event. And how I know that it was the best view, because right besides us was parked a Pajero, upon which a man with a dangling badge that boasted "Secraterait - Panagbenga 2010 Documentation Committee" was plumbing his tripod pipes to fix his camera on the car roof, while the rest of his team mates were busy securing their own positions at different corners of the car's roof. An hour passed away with no action, apart from the one when a garbage truck passed by on the parade track and the person
atop amused the crowd by flying celebrity kisses from the top. I was getting little fussy , even Joel and Cha had gone out for a drink and I, not in a mood to lose my position especially after kneering behind me at the ever extending queue, preferred to stand firm until the show begins. To kill some time, I perched my Sony Walkman on my ears to listen to Rahman making people dance on 'Fanaaa'. I never really understood what Gulzar had to say in this song with words like Ulfat, Darya and something that happens with Saaya and its Badan. But who cares, I enjoy Rahman in that song and the exhiliration of that song perfectly matched the zest of the exodus gathered at the Panagbenga 2010. The anxious faces soon started cheering the first float of the morning that begun an hour late. Well everyone in Philippines can understand that, it is Filipino time after all. I envied the mayor of Baguio that day when I saw angels dancing for him in front of his float that kick started the Panagbenga 2010. Looking on my right, I envied Cha since had secured herself atop a drinks van giving her best position and the comfort of her feet getting the due rest, in sitting position. while my legs shuffled their position taking turns to bear my body weight all the while. On my left, the camera men had suddenly turned their attention to the butterfly who had chosen to play with an Orange T-Shirt photographer belonging to the 'Documentation Committee'. "What is a butterfly doing here?" Was such a dumb question from someone behind me. Quite obvious, it is a festival of flowers, where we are about to witness one of the best floats entirely dressed and designed in flowers glide on the surface of the tar road.

With so much of fragrance in the air, the butterfly branding the logo of the festival decided to say 'hi' to everyone across the globe by conveniently choosing the officially appointed photographers to play with. And thus began the replendent ride of one float after another where there were performances, dressings, designs, art, culture, zest, enthusiasm, colours, music and all possible combinations that can make a festival successful mingled with each other. It all began with the leviathans of the retail industry in Philippines - the SM group showcasing their roaring tiger
entirely drenched in the yellow flower (I guess it is called as Marigold). Soon after floats from the likes of AMA, Metro Pacific, LBC, San Miguel, Aegis etc accompanied by school children, professional dancers together summed up the strength of 24 floats that paraded on the streets of Baguio for 2 whole hours entertaining and surprising the masses with every passing moment. "Do you have such festivals in your city back home?" Lego enquired. "Well we do have a republic day parade but it happens in New Delhi and I have never really seen one live anytime." However now I do promise myself to sit amidst that crowd sometime someday to witness the live performance of the Republic Day parade along the India gate. I enjoy watching the parade over the television, but watching it live is surely going to be one hell of an experience and Panagbenga 2010 just talked to me in the same language. I never realised that I have been standing (rahter struggling to stand) on that divider for as long as an average Bollywood movie would last and my legs are now complaining for the ire they had to undergo, but my mind and my heart knew that it was all worth it. Panagbenga 2010 was indeed an experience to remember.

Free Your Thoughts

[A Disclaimer and a confession: I am not too good in remembering names, so i might have goofed up with them in this blog of mine. Anyway, this time I would like to believe Shakespere 'What's in the name?' ]



“You know Eknath right?”
“What?” I was stumped.
Red mistook it to be a reaction that I didn’t know Eknath and continued, “Well I can understand India is a huge country, this person Eknath was very well known in the western part of India,”


“Well of course Red, I know Eknath in fact I come from western region of India.”
“That’s right” Carl suddenly came into picture, with a cup of coffee in his hand that clouted the Starbucks logo on it. “He is from Maharashtra, which is below Gujarat.”
“Oh! You know well about India.” I was really keen to see Filipinos know a lot about India beyond “Jai Ho!”
“Cool so you know Eknath. Then you must know his translations of Upanishads and Bhagavad Geeta.”
Had I decided to call up Preshit, Nilay or anyone from my old school days and begin a conversation about Ekanth. I am pretty sure that they’d say with watery mouths, “What lovely samosas he used to make!” referring to the canteen owner of our school. And here I was amongst some 20 odd Filipinos, discussing about Eknath and his lovely translations about Bhagavad Geeta, with a boy who was an atheist himself.
“We have people like Red in our group” Frank like a spokesperson, was explaining me the uniqueness of his group. “They have tried all religions and then decided to be atheist. There are agonistics, there are people from various religions and there are people like me who believe in Christianity.”
“Well I can see the cross as your locket. Wait a minute that is not a cross that is a ‘T’. What is that?”
“The crucification of Christ is a mystery in itself. Few say that He was crucified on a cross; few said that He was on a ‘T’ shaped structure when He died while others say that He died on a tree log while his hands were clutched together above His head.”
“Then why do we see the cross in churches?”
“Well this is one of the Pagan symbols. It was adopted by Christianity during medieval times so that the Pagans would find it easier to adopt Christianity.”
I nodded acknowledging reading something like this in Dan Brown’s “Da Vinci Code”.
I felt it was such a good decision to come within this bunch of Filipilno Freethinkers.


When Frank told me about this Free Thinking concept, I wondered why would citizens of a country where 85% population belongs to one particular religion talk about religious tolerance. My curiosity led me to Starbucks café at the Shangrilla Mall. Well it was my house warming day and I was little late (again, I am not making any excuses, I was late due to genuine reasons).
“We call it knon-Indian.”, chuckled John. “When you decide to meet at a time and then you don’t show up on that time, we have a word for that in Tagalou.”
“Although I wonder why would anyone relate ‘no-show’ to Indians? Are they always late?” seemed to be an honest question from Wella.
“Maybe we mean Red Indians.” Frank was I guess covering up for my community.
“Well!” I offered an explanation “maybe it is because India is 2 and half hours behind. So if you are 2 and half hours late, you are right time as per the Indian Standard Time.”
And everyone laughed, ‘Joke well received’ I thought.
When I reached little late, the group had already begun with their topic for the week.
“The situation is like, to be a recognized political party herein Philippines, you need to get an approval from the election commission. Here was a party GLP (Gay and Lesbian Party) whose application got rejected and we believe there is a role of church in this.”
I nodded, now understanding the need of such groups in a place where 85% are Christians.
“The panel is discussing as what can be done so that this imposition of church can be prevented.”
“Guys, there is a rally organized.” I heard Red addressing the rest of the gang. “If you support the GLP, come to the rally, wear colorful clothes. Make banners saying ‘Gays are OK.’”
“Yeah but write a disclaimer ‘I am not Gay’ “giggled John.
“Also, there are so many people yet in their closet, and we would like them to come out and declare their individuality.”
“Well, wait a minute; we don’t want people who are yet in their closet.” Paused Regg.
“Yeah, but people who are on fence, we can encourage to come out in open. Can’t we?” queried Frank .
“Yeah we can, but again that’s not the theme of the rally. The theme of the rally is to give us gays a right to have our own place in politics.” Regg clarified.
Sooner the gang moved their eyes on me. How are homosexuals received in your country? Is homosexuality approved in your religion? What are your own views on homo sexuality?
I answered their questions to the best of my knowledge. And soon the topic swayed from homosexuality to India in general.
“Why are Indians associated with computers everywhere? Is it that they are better in computers than us?” asked Red.

“Well yes I agree, Indians are really good in computers. But that’s mainly because there are just too many of them. They have many more computer geeks than we do here. And India is a big competition to Philippines.” answered Frank. I felt like thanking all the forefathers who never considered family planning as a way of life, thereby giving birth to computer geeks in such a large number.
I remembered JP’s presentation in our office town-hall meet where he compared our company rates to the Indian counterparts indicating that my Filipino company was indeed doing better than IT firms on my homeland. But this corporate competition is nowhere seen in the warmth of the Filipinos that I meet. In this group itself they declared, “We are cool with Indians. None of our communities have any issues with Indians.” I can vouch for that.
And amongst that warmth, this rendezvous with this bunch of people whose thinking I could very much relate to was indeed a tonic for my knowledge thirsty brain.

PS: TO Know more about 'Filipino Free Thinkers' click here